Kangqi's

lay down a list of what is wrong

2012-01-29T11:06:00.000-08:00

Closed up, clamped up. Don't know what to say. Staying silent, keeping my gaze fixed on something - what it is, no one can ever tell. Thinking to myself, planting scenarios in my head - things that will never happen. Smiling cos I have to. Walking away cos I feel like I don't belong. Not wanting to be somewhere cos I just want to be alone. Going to places cos I have to not because I want to.

I wish for a lot of things. Right now I wish I can find the 'home' in people. The comfort.

Where is she?

where did I go wrong, I lost a friend

2012-01-28T11:34:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I really wonder if you think of me the way I think of you. Then again, don't we all.

It's so sad to say that when everything was getting so much better my world had to come crumbling down on the very same day. Every night after that just seems so hard to pass. The mere mention of your name seems like needle pricks stabbing right at my heart. It wouldn't be so damn hard if it wasn't for...

Well, this "happy facade" no longer works. I don't have the energy to muster up a smile anymore.

2012-01-27T08:06:00.000-08:00

“Don't beat yourself up for not knowing the answers. You don't always have to know who you are. You don't have to have the big picture, or know where you're heading. Sometimes, it's enough just to know what you're going to do next.” - Sophie Kinsella, The Undomestic Goddess

So what happens if you don't even know what you're going to do next? Time to do some talking.

2nd best

2012-01-26T09:45:00.000-08:00

All my life, I've always felt as though I've been just drifting through. I was always insignificant - just never important enough. Sometimes I feel in certain situations, it doesn't really matter whether I'm there or not, it wouldn't ever make a difference. Yea perhaps you may say I'm thinking too much yet that's how I constantly feel. I'm always overshadowed, 2nd best - never a priority. It sucks to feel this way, it sucks to feel like I hold no position in people's hearts.

Always an option, never a choice. I'm tired. I'm really tired because I keep trying. Sometimes.. too hard. I try and I try yet I can never be anything other than the 2nd best. I trust too easily, I always give my all to people yet I never learn that sometimes, they don't appreciate it. Whenever I'm needed, I give what I can yet everything seems so foolish to me now. They take and take but will never give.

I'm just "kangqi", just another person who probably has no significance in your life. In none of your lives.

Lowest.

CNY '12

2012-01-24T08:57:00.000-08:00

My outfits for day 1 & 2.

This year's a little different. First CNY without bro (he's in denmark) so it's a little lonelier. It's great seeing everyone though, especially my cousin who came back from the states. It was so hilarious, she went to the wrong block and pressed the wrong door bell for half an hour and nobody answered. She thought we were all not at home. Luckily she had internet access and we managed to communicate with her.

CNY is a season where everybody gets together, have a meal and just talk about what we're doing now etc. It's supposedly a happy season but I can't help but always feel sad. Visiting people we only see once a year, seeing them get older. It makes me real sad.

The whole time today the phrase "time spent with them will eventually be just memories" kept popping into my head. A classmate wrote this for APEL class (I don't know who though) and ever since then that phrase has been stuck. It isn't a bad thing I guess, it teaches us to treasure the people around more. Yet you can't help it but feel really sad sometimes.

It's 12.56am right now and I'm not in the right mind.

See you laters

2012-01-20T04:50:00.000-08:00

I dislike sending people off. Don't we all hate goodbyes. I've been way too (over the top, if you must) emotional the past few times I've sent people off for various reasons. My bro just hopped on the plane for his exchange program for 6 months. It sucks :( but I'm glad I didn't cry. I almost did though. Hope he's going to have the time of his life over there :>

I remember the last time I cried when I sent a friend off @ the airport. I remember how lost I felt, how much I didn't want him to leave. I guess I was crying in advance because I was going to lose everything about a year's time.

Random Thoughts

2012-01-16T09:53:00.000-08:00

i've got a whole lot of random thoughts that I thought I'd write here so.. don't mind me. :)

1. In most of my poly life, I've kept my phone on silent mode. Don't ask me why, I've just kept it that way. I guess that's why you'd probably see me constantly checking my phone to see if I had any messages. I guess there just weren't anything important. (probably explains all the missed calls too)

I can't remember how my phone's "status" was like before poly but from what I can remember, throughout my whole poly life (except on nights before deadliens) I only put my phone on vibrate for one person and I'm glad I did. Up till now he's still a great friend of mine. :)

2. Doing up a website now for my e-business module and I can't believe it but I'm having fun! Maybe it's because I drank a whole mug of coffee just now to keep awake so I'm kinda.. hyper. Oh gosh is this my version of alcohol?

3. Listening to my (current) favourite cover and it's bringing back so many memories that it's beginning to kinda hurt! Argh. Dude, I miss you. Yet it isn't such a big deal now. I'm glad cos I've learnt how not to harp on it anymore. I miss you, yea, but I'm much happier now. :) Isn't it lovely and painful at the same time that songs can bring back the past? It's kinda cool.

4. CNY is coming. Not looking forward to it AT ALL.

Foody - Fourteen Jan

2012-01-14T20:44:00.000-08:00

Lunch - packet chicken rice from tmart!

Dinner - beehoon cooked by grandma along with fried egg & succulent salmon

Supper - spaghetti with bacon in cream and red cheddar sauce, topped with red chilli flakes and parsley flakes

Great meal the whole of yesterday! :> My dinner portion was so small so I decided to whip up some spaghetti for supper. Was filled to the brim after that. Craving for more bacon now. Mhmm. Bacon never goes wrong.

Exercise!

2012-01-14T04:44:00.000-08:00

with Stella @ my place for a run on 2 occasions!

Yesterday we had our own sports/games day! It was hella fun :> you reading this, you should have been there!

I think everyone had a really good time! It's not everyday that we do something like this but but but we're gonna do it again next week! So if ya wanna join us, gimme a buzz ;) everyone is welcome!

Supper - Twelve Jan

2012-01-12T22:44:00.000-08:00

kimchi & oreo cookies with milk!

This kimchi is the bomb! Bro bought it for me cos I have been craving it for the past few days! :> hehe aww.

Ten Jan

2012-01-09T09:08:00.000-08:00

Lunch - zinger student meal

Gong Cha from the bro!

Supper - thunder tea lovingly cooked by grandma + sauteed sweet peas in oyster sauce along with strawberry ribena in my fave mug gifted by ben! :)

I know I know, sweet peas.. again?? They're just too awesome! I love how they can be so awesome to snack on.

Dinner

2012-01-08T07:56:00.000-08:00

Sauteed butter eryngii mushroom seasoned with paprika & cayenne, lightly stir fried sweet peas with oyster sauce & mushroom cheese omelette along side strawberries sprinkled with sugar for dessert

Summer

2012-01-07T07:48:00.000-08:00

After some time, you realize that some things just aren't worth it anymore. They're not worth your time, your effort, your love, your persistence.. everything. I used to believe in so many things - happy endings, soul mates, fate. I'm sure you get the gist. It's true, call me a hopeless romantic if you must. I cry when I watch touching films & read romantic novels. Yes, I'm that kind of girl. I cry when something sad happens in shows or when a guy does something sweet for a girl he likes. Yea, I cry. A lot.

After awhile though, you grow up and realize that everything you believe in is indeed, complete and utter bullshit. Right now, I'm a different person and I no longer believe the same things. It's sad, perhaps, but I'm done. I'm done with all this.

I'm sorry.

2012-01-06T04:02:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry because you knew I was crying and you called, yet I didn't pick up.. or call back.. or reply asap for that matter. I'm sorry because you've been such a good friend to me, listening to me when I was down, totally getting how I feel all the time and you always try to make me feel better instead of how I always feel these days - worthless and unimportant. I feel like you really can empathize with howI feel cos you have gone through this before too. I feel like I'm down in the dumps every single day yet you're always there to help me through, no matter how small a thing you do. Trust me, it helps.

2011 - It's been a long year for me. A really really long one. I've been through so many ups and downs. I've gained so much yet lost quite a fair bit. It has to work like that I guess, we can never gain and not lose. Every single day I try to tell myself it's okay to lose. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. Yet I know it's not. So when will I come to terms with it? When will I stop feeling like this? I don't like this.

Mobile Uploads

2012-01-05T06:16:00.000-08:00

Cactus FTW. This brings back great memories. YEEHA!

This awesome cheese meat ball is to die for!

Capcom VS Marvel @ Bryan's omg it's damn funnn. I want a Kinect too!

#foreveralone

Mamee! Great snack.

2012 hasn't been the greatest so far but hey, 1st jan 2012 is no different from 31 dec 2011 right? Just another day to me. Sometimes I really think I'm from outerspace. Otherwise why wasn't I excited that it was going to be another year? When others were all counting down and enjoying fireworks, I was just lying on my bed and watching ironman (again, i know! told ya i'm a huge marvel fan). I've never been one to enjoy fireworks or counting down for that matter. Seriously, am I the only one? I guess it just isn't a big deal for me.

All the "new year, new start" or "a brand new start for the new year" thing just doesn't get to me. I mean, if you want a new start or turn over a new leaf or whatever you can just start whenever you want isn't it? Why wait for a whole new year to do that? I guess i'm just being too much of a pessimist. Meh. That's just me. Please ignore.

2012

2012-01-03T07:01:00.000-08:00

1. Maintain friendships with people who are important and never neglect them for others who are less important.
2. Concentrate on what I love, whatever makes me feel happier, go do it.
3. Always end each day with a smile.
4. Never regret something - whether if it's something I didn't do or something I did.
5. Find a suitable outlet to relieve my emotions.
6. Start planning for my future.
7. Don't ever let others drag your mood down/determine how I should feel for the day.
8. Stop chasing, start living. :)
9. STOP BEING SO AWKWARD!!!

I feel right at home

2012-01-02T08:16:00.000-08:00

I feel right at home when I'm with them. Loving each and every single one of the 5. :)

Happy Birthday Bryan!

Happy (advanced) Birthday Moses!

You 2 have a good one :>

finding comfort

2011-12-30T08:30:00.000-08:00

How do you seek solace?

Whenever I feel upset or find that I keep dwelling on stuff that eventually will make me upset, I either write in this space of mine (or if I need more privacy, somewhere else. Lately, I don't find the need to.) or I plug in my earphones and blast songs.

Listening to music gives me comfort. I love how I can relate what I'm feeling with the lyrics of the songs I listen to. Writing here allows me to pour out words that I keep inside me.

I like to read to but lately I just don't have the time. Well by "time" I mean moments when I'm not either doing my projects, sleeping or watching TV sitcoms. I like to feel relaxed when I read, knowing that I don't have any work waiting for me to do. I like to sit at the corner of my bed, propped up by my pillow with a book on hand, flipping the pages and reading till I feel sleepy. Even then, i'd lay on my pillow, continue reading till my eyelids threaten to shut.

Being occupied is always great because when I'm busy, I don't think about other things. In the occasional moments when my mind does drift towards you, I am filled with a mixture of emotions - confusion, a small portion of happiness and the rest just mainly sadness. Yes, I miss you so much yet it's such an irony that I can't bear to be in the same place as you anymore. I need this weirdness to wear off because I still want to be your friend.

my shot to mock you kinda puts me in a tight spot

2011-12-29T05:32:00.000-08:00

looking back, I'm glad you and I never started. I hardly knew you yet I was so ready to love, it was so foolish for me. you never were right for me, the age gap, the different preferences and everything else. I thought I really liked you but thinking about it now, it wasn't like that. It was just a temporary crush because you cared enough, at the right time. If you didn't leave that day, disappear without a trace, we might end up together. They say everything happens for a reason so I'm thankful you left. Although I was never sure about you and me, even though I was afraid, I didn't mind. What was I even thinking back then? Everyone kept telling me I shouldn't jump into something so quick, that I should try to know you more first yet I was being stubborn - like I always am.

But Cupid's automatic musta fired multiple shots at her because

she fall in love too foten that's what's the matter - Geek in the Pink, Jason Mraz

But now it's only you, it always has been.

Taiwan!

2011-12-27T21:38:00.000-08:00

The Strawbies there are the BEST!!!

This is the BOMB.

Missing the food in Taiwan already!! I miss the smelly tofu, sausages, bing tang hu lu, ji pa, braised minced meat rice, extremely cheap ice cream, black pepper bao, the cheesy potato thing we had in ning xia and so much more!!

before & after

2011-12-18T06:23:00.000-08:00

What my room used to look like:

How it looks like now:

So much better isn't it! I get so happy returning home everyday just to sit at my desk and do work or to take a nap/sleep. My room feels more like a room now with the blinds installed, it gives me more privacy. As you can see from the 'before' picture it's kinda an "open concept" kinda room.

Thanks to my family who helped and especially dad who fixed up everything! :D

Transformers

2011-12-11T08:16:00.001-08:00

I've always loved the Transformers. I love bumblebee, he's the awesomest!

Not all autobots are good, as portrayed in the 3rd movie. Sentinel Prime betrayed the autobots because he didn't like the fact that there were all working for the humans. He was their leader and he wanted to be a leader again, in Cybertron. He had good intentions but he killed one of his kind anyway.

That saying, not all decepticons are bad either. In the 2nd movie 2 decepticons changed and helped the autobots. One even sacrificed himself to save the autobots and the world.

This shows that people aren't always what they seem. They may be labelled as something and stereotyped into being someone they're not. I guess the lesson here is to don't always be too quick to judge but we people never learn.

True love

2011-12-08T08:40:00.001-08:00

Home i find that in friends
I find it in things
A life from within - Home:Word - Magnetic North & Taiyo Na

I find this feeling amazingly comforting. It's nice to know that at the end of the day there's someone you can turn to. I think I've finally found true love and I've found it in my friends because no matter how upset, angry, annoyed and frustrated I can get with them, I will always love them.

Xmas Wishlist

2011-12-04T03:09:00.001-08:00

Hello! Xmas is around the corner falalalala lalalala and since i'm supposed to do something more productive (i.e study for my test tomorrow) yet i'm such a massive procrastinator, here i am!

You know when you're doing work/studying, everything else becomes more interesting? Yep.

Well I thought I'd do a wishlist, not a christmas wishlist exactly, but just a general what-i'd-want list :) So here goes: (not expecting anyone to get me anything outta here cos that'd be crazy haha!)

1) Ipad 2 or 3

of cos the latter would be better. It's coming out next year so it depends on when I can get it ^^

2) Recording gear

It will be so therapeutic to be able to get all the recording gear I want! When I feel stressed up/in a bad mood, recording would be a form of pick-me-up. Yet the total cost for this would be a bomb. :(

3) A meal @ Joel Robuchon..

.. or OSIA

I've heard so many good things about OSIA from my friend who once worked there and he said the food there is a must try!!! As for joel robuchon.. well it's kinda like a bucket list thing - to dine there @ least once before you die! haha.

Well that's it (for now). I'm leaving for taiwan the week after next and I'm sure it's going to be a blast!! Can't wait for it cos I'm finally getting out of the country for some awesome relaxation ^^. This final sem is so grueling, the deadlines come one after another and the workload is the heaviest amongst all sems! (okay, maybe not cos I think sem 2.2 was worst) but more has yet to come. When the mid-sem break is over.. we have more to tackle..

Ohwell, final sem! We're all going to miss it.

Gonna post about the asia pacific brewery trip when Mr. C uploads the pics (:

(all pictures are taken from google, credits to the source)

I just gravitate towards you

2011-12-01T05:37:00.001-08:00

It's not you who changed, it's me. Ever since I discovered I had feelings for you, I distanced myself, stayed as far as I possibly could - away from you.

I often question myself. Why didn't I keep up with you? Why did I let myself get distracted? Why weren't I there for you when you needed someone? Why? Why? Why? Why did everything end up like this? What's done is done and there's no turning back time. Don't we all wish we can do that?

Ah well, we can't go back and change what we did or didn't do. So we have to live with the consequences.

and so, i will.

Gotta believe that this phase will be over soon. TYS

Sit back down where you belong

2011-11-28T03:53:00.001-08:00

You know, I've been upset about this for the longest time and just when I was about to get better, something has to happen. It's always like this, every goddamn fucking time. Why can't things just go smoothly for once? It's torturous enough to have to suppress all this feelings yet people have to come and mess this up for me even further.

Seriously, the glimpse of hope hanging by a tiny thread always appears. Why though? I believe things happen for a reason - be it good or bad. But why? The hell. I don't understand why all this is happening. I thought I was stronger but I'm still just the weak person I've been my whole life.

All the "should have, could have, would have" thoughts spiraling in my head. The constant "what ifs". This kills me. I'm glad though that I could finally cry it out yesterday night. No matter how sad I was about this the past few days I just couldn't cry. I guess I finally realised how fucked up I was & have been yesterday and all the emotions were just too overwhelming.

Right now the only thing I can do is to keep telling myself that you will never fall for someone like me cos I'm not and never will be good enough for you and that I've been pranked cos if you really liked me.. you wouldn't be acting like this. The more times I tell myself this, the sooner I'll believe it and the faster I'll get over you. This is the hardest thing I've done and I'm so sick of feeling worthless.

I just want to feel appreciated for a while.

Missed Opportunity

2011-11-27T06:06:00.001-08:00

Lets say 2 people like each other but they never had the guts to let the other person know. Wouldn't that be a pity?

It's sad because now I will never know how you feel about me. Not even a single clue. I keep telling myself that if you liked me you'd talk to me but you seem to have forgotten about me. Really. It's sad because my feelings for you were so strong and you don't even know.

That's the thing though, this friendship is more important to me than anything else. What if I told you how I felt, you freak out and never speak to me again? Then again.. it's not like you're speaking to me now.

I miss you.. I really do. I miss talking to you, even as friends. Not talking to you kills me. Thinking about you kills me cos I know somehow, this will never happen.

Sigh.

Fury

2011-11-25T21:38:00.001-08:00

I can't believe I'm talking about this again after so long. I didn't give it any thought for the longest time but when I got reminded of it today, I was just furious. I know.. it's pointless to be have any ounce of anger in my emotion towards this incident but I just can't help myself.

No matter what you try to say or have feebly "explained" on that blog of yours saying that it didn't mean anything, from the bottom of your heart, you know it did.

Come on, you want me to think that it didn't mean anything? Tell me. Which boyfriend will wish another girl to have a happy birthday and be happy and stuff on his private blog which his girlfriend doesn't know about? You want me to believe that's nothing? Bullshit. Why the secrecy? You couldn't do it on facebook? You had to go behind my back and do that?

It's as though all the emotion I've previously felt are now rushing back towards me. You label another girl as "special" and you "think about her" whenever you do something that reminds you of her AND yet you expected me to think that was nothing? You think by saying you were simply "daydreaming" of being with another person more similar to you that it would be okay? WTF. Yea sure, I know guys think of other girls all the time but to the extent of writing about her in your private blog, saying you were thinking about her.. do you think that's okay?!

I wasn't born yesterday dude, you think I was that naive? and when everything was over you turned around and said I dumped you? W.T.F. Yes I "dumped" you, I gave up on the relationship because you were obviously NOT committed to this relationship anymore and you had someone else in your heart. Say I was the one who threw you aside or whatever. You know it yourself that it was you who caused the breakup.

You said you thought that being with her would be better, because you were so "similar", there would be less expectations in the relationship. Yea right. You don't even know her, you only know what she liked. Like that would mean that there will be less expectations. I scoff because you don't even know what you want. You want to be with another girl just because you like the same things?

You said that if she were a guy, my views would be different. Please. If it was a guy instead, would you write on your blog that you think about him? Will you smile to yourself just by thinking that another guy likes the same things as you? Yea damn right you will.

Ok I just needed to rant. I know karma's gonna get me for this but i have to get all this emotion out for all its worth.

Japanese Hotpot

2011-11-25T20:16:00.001-08:00

My 3rd time going to Suki-Ya @ Tampines Mall. This time with my dad & bro.

There's something about Suki-ya that gets you craving for it and I really don't know what! Ordered only beef & pork this time. My dad & bro loved the beef but I still prefer the pork. As for the chicken.. really wasn't interested in having it anymore after going there for 2 times. My advice is, if you really wanna try, just order a plate first!

My faves from the self-service buffet spread (near the entrance) has got to be the chicken cheese balls (becareful when you eat, you might burn yourself!), king oyster mushrooms, udon noodles & watermelon. The variety isn't much so don't expect a huge spread but for the price, I think it's worth it if you can eat a lot of meat.

They currently have a promotion going on where you get a plate of free salmon sashimi for every 2 person paying. Each plate comes with 5 pieces. My dad saw the promotion in a brochure so we knew. If you don't ask, they don't tell & you don't get. I don't know when the promotion ends but even if you missed it.. you aren't missing much. The sashimi looked pale and they looked like they've been just defrosted in water. The taste was bland.. barely any taste and the texture was just weird, not the usual springy texture. As for the wasabi.. there wasn't any "kick" to it.

As for the service, the first time I went there there was a guy (who I think is the owner) and our table was served really efficiently - drinks were constantly topped up, we could get their attention when we wanted to order more meat and they promptly refilled our soups when asked.

However, for the past 2 visits, the restaurant seemed like they were having a lack of staff. Half the time the floor staff aren't around. When we wanted something we could hardly get their attention. When our cups were empty, nobody noticed. My dad had to go top it up himself. They aren't exactly friendly either.

Food wise, great if you love eating lots of meat and those "balls" type things (they had salmon ball, veggie ball, lobster ball, nacho cheese ball etc changes every time). My recommendation of soup base would be shabu shabu & sukiyaki. I ordered kimchi the first time and it was tasteless. Service wise, don't expect much. :)

I know who I want to take me home

2011-11-21T04:06:00.001-08:00

I love all my friends. They are amazing. :) Treasuring every moment with each and everyone of them before we part our separate ways. Yea, this is already our final semester and we'll soon be doing different things. It sucks that friends have to part ways but it's the only way that friendships can be tested - whether we'll still keep in contact, whether the friendship will continue Some friends are nothing without school.

I mean, if you want to keep the friendship, somebody always has to take the initiative. If it's a one-sided thing, he/she will eventually get tired of always making the first move & very soon the friendship will go stale.

All this aside, I'm very lucky to have amazing people around me! They add a ton of laughter to my life. :)

I'm a Pisces :)

2011-11-20T03:37:00.001-08:00

I don't really believe in horoscopes, you know those daily ones you get in apps, newspapers, whathaveyous? Yeah. Sometimes I read 'em but I rarely often believe in them especially those that say "you're going to meet someone new today" or "someone you haven't talked to in awhile will talk to you today".. you get what I mean.

However, I feel very true to being a Pisces. If you have nothing better to do, go read this article about Pisces here. I feel that I'm very much the same as what is being described there (but not entirely) - both the strengths and weaknesses. Hell yeah I'm oversensitive, indecisive, self-pitying, lazy and an escapist! Haha.

Some things mentioned in the article that I think are really true about me:

Pisces needs a dominant partner of role model in their life or they will very easily fall into a pit of self-pity and self-undoing. - Yea i feel the constant need to have someone there for me. I'm always too reliant on others.
they are unable to be on their own for long before they start dreaming in their imaginary world of happy people and happy endings. They need other people to keep them grounded and on the right track.
They will take a friend's problem and make it their own and suffer with them. This is the weak spot of Pisces but any friend of this zodiac sign should know that although they are attracted to people with severe problems who desperately need help, this actually does more harm them good. - Yep, attracted to people with severe problems who desperately need help. Correct.
They need a strong positive friend to make them strong. - I can't have enough positive people in my 'cos I'll quite a negative person some times haha.
They have extreme compassion and they feel the pain of others. If something is wrong in the world that affects them, it affects them deeply, they take it to heart and feel extreme feelings regarding the matter. When they are happy, they are extremely happy and when they are sad, they are extremely depressed. - I'm always affected by world issues.
They will help another person with their problems and like to do so because making others feel good in turn makes them feel good. - Uh huh but I guess this applies to most people.
People born under this zodiac sign are not susceptible to bad luck and unfortunate events, they bring them on themselves by overindulging, laziness and a knack for picking poorly suited partners and friends.
Pisces eternal struggle is to learn to use their powers and their imagination in a positive, productive way and vying for emotional stability by not giving away their emotions to everyone else, they need to help themselves.
Pisces are very good at understanding people for they have the ability to delve into the psyche and see behind a person's motivations.

If you've read every word till here, I salute you. Right now I'm procrastinating, doing everything except my assignments, that's why I'm here writing this post. Talk about being lazy, ha.

Closing Time

2011-11-19T19:20:00.001-08:00

Standing Sushi Bar

2011-11-19T05:09:00.001-08:00

Standing Sushi Bar @ 8Q for dinner. Good food after a horrible diet for the past week. Yes, I know I'm already really skinny. I'm just trying to eat healthier & not snack as much these days, NOT starving myself in case you think I'm crazy. The service was good but the bill was a surprising amount! Ha.

Went for a swim in the morning and steady had fainting spells all of a sudden! Hope you're feeling better now :)

I really need to start on my assignments instead of bumming around the whole day.. sighhhh! Getting sleepy again. Yawn.

If you wanted to reach me, you have my number.

2011-11-18T06:39:00.001-08:00

'm gonna stop purposely appearing online in hope that you'll talk to me. After all, if you wanted to reach me, you'd find a way - text me, call me.. you have my number. So I give up trying so hard and it's time I started living this life for myself.

Right now, I feel like I'm missing out on a part of my life and I really hate being like that. This isn't me, by a far cry. Every day felt like a battle, trying to find myself. I question myself constantly in search of so many answers and now I finally have them. Time to inject a syringe of happiness into my blood and start smiling every day for I have much more to be thankful for.

Sure I still think of the little moments, how easily you made me happy but they're the past and they're never coming back. So I'm going to do something I've never done before in my life and I'm glad I've come to this decision. Let's hope I'm strong enough to do this. :)

It's time i changed my point of view and not be that person that I always was.

At the end of the day, every thing's gonna be just okay. :)

out with the old

2011-11-17T04:18:00.001-08:00

I miss the old you, the one who'd talk to me whenever I was feeling sad, the one who'd make me laugh with every word you say.

but I gotta admit to myself, the old you is long gone and the sooner I can accept that, the better it'll be.

That's what you get when you fall in love with Mr. P. It'll always be a divided attention.

the little things

2011-11-16T05:24:00.001-08:00

I feel so thankful today for all the care & concern I've received. You know, we often get so preoccupied with what's wrong with our lives we don't always give enough appreciation for the little things that are right. :)

They say "those who mind don't matter & those who matter don't mind".

I've neglected all the people who "don't mind" me being who I am and instead I was so tied up with getting the people I want to care about me, to care. In other words, I kept trying to get their attention but failed. Afterall, if they really cared, I wouldn't need to always make the "first move".

thus tonight I'm grateful, for those of you who were always there. Thank you. :)

Sleep is for the weak.

2011-11-13T03:10:00.001-08:00

Sukiya @ Tampines Mall with @Mougu last thursday, I don't know what made me order 3 of each meat but we pretty much were filled to the brim halfway through. Ha :( The ice cream was good though, although we were technically eating the lunch buffet where ice cream is not served, but their system is a little weird so we got to eat the ice cream! Cheap thrill, lol.

Anyway, you know that the project workload is getting heavier when your desktop is filled with icons. Trying to do my marketing project now and I have 8 tabs of research on my chrome just for 4 paragraphs of words. Yawn. I'm getting so sleepy (hence the title) but I'm forcing myself not to take a nap if not I'd have to suffer later..

Have been feeling slightly better compared to the prev few days but i guess that's what PMS can do to you, make you feel like shit about things. I'm trying not to think about it now and the workload helps to keep my mind off things.

Yawn. I feel like having a pizza right now.

(see my newest post about suki-ya @ tamp mall here!)

newspaper nails

2011-11-10T06:16:00.001-08:00

first time trying this, realllyyyy messy but i'm too lazy to do it all over again so here you go!

be anywhere but here

2011-11-10T05:29:00.001-08:00

I can think of a hundred ways why this will never work out yet I still believe in it. It's curious how people think even if all the odds are against them. I feel so suffocated - silenced and distanced yet I chose to take this path on my own.

Cliche as this may be.. I look forward to the split second when I just wake up after a night's rest, that split second where everything is perfect.. right before everything starts crumbling down the next moment.

I wish I can remember what G said to me cuz he said something along the lines of "one day there won't be someone to tell you what to do.. so you gotta remember..."

I can't.

2011-11-09T00:13:00.000-08:00

Every single time I try to steer away from your direction, you do something small to make me come running back after you. I really wish I knew what you have on your mind so it'll make this easier for me. I miss talking to you, your voice and everything else about you. What makes this so hard is that I already know the possibility is almost close to zero yet I always see this glimpse, so very small glimpse, of hope. I don't know how this became such a huge deal to me when it's seemingly so insignificant to others but only I know how I truly feel. In order to not make things difficult I force myself not to talk to you, not to tell you how I feel even when on some days, you're all I think about. This is the hardest one so far, having to suppress all these confused emotions and just keep them to myself. It doesn't seem like something I'd do but this friendship is way too important to me.. I can't jeopardize it. Sometimes.. I just really wish you knew.

I used to think that we can't lose what we never had. How wrong I was.

Bits and Pieces

2011-11-08T03:04:00.000-08:00

Some long overdue pictures - Sushi Tei, Canele, Cedele and a picture of home cooked beef stew stuck at the end. The Matcha Cake from Canele was moussey, nevertheless great but was the crepe was a little meh - a little overpriced. Cedele was a huge let down be it service wise or the food, a place I'd never go again if I want some mains, haven't tried the dessert so I don't know about that.

Cooked some beef stew on saturday and it was okay, not perfect but good enough for a first time! :) I should make my own beef stock but that'll take a lot of time and I'm lazy as hell.. aaaand yep, I don't have nice looking plates. :(

Skipped Triple Os cos PMS was being a real bitch, not giving me a break at all. Gah. 2 days of school this week and tomorrow would be my most dreaded day. Please please please let me get through tomorrow just fine and thursday shall be a breeze. Then it'll be the weekends again cos no school on fridays for me!

TGIF just got a whole new meaning this sem!

My Food Obsession.

2011-10-28T09:15:00.001-07:00

I love food. I mean.. everybody does but I LOVE to eat. Other than sleeping, eating is my favourite part of the day. Going to get my Japanese Cuisine Fix tomorrow after having a massive craving.

If you can't keep up with my food obsession you can't keep up with me. :)

B-I-N-G-O

2011-10-19T07:26:00.001-07:00

Spaghetti alla Carbonara

2011-10-19T07:24:00.000-07:00

It isn't called Carbonara if there's cream so do NOT add any. It tasted awesome.
Love the "kick" from the spiced bacon.

I am a marvel fan.

2011-10-12T12:19:00.000-07:00

and I am sooooo psyched!!!!

Why? Just look.

Iron man, Hulk, Thor & Captain America all rolled into one movie!
I have been waiting for this movie forever so 2012, world end or not, I've got to catch this!

Yea well it's released in May in the US so.. the world hasn't ended yet! yay?

feeling positive today

2011-10-11T07:36:00.001-07:00

because i know this is something i have gone through before and i definitely survived so this time, it isn't any different. :) I have a lot more things to focus on which are more important and that's what's life is about isn't it? Living your life to the fullest instead of harping on the things that makes you upset or feel bad about yourself. :)

PS Cafe

2011-10-09T18:07:00.000-07:00

Happy Birthday Mum! (:

This place is the great! I can't stop raving about it. The service, food & ambience are all awesome. :) Thanks Dawn & Hafiz for the seats and the cake! Talk about great service. Go to PS Cafe and you'll won't be disappointed. :)

Hope mum was happy :D

Dinner

2011-10-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

Don't we all love home cooked meals especially when you do it yourself? :) Made myself a creamy pasta dish for dinner today. I had this huge craving for cream spaghetti & the urge to satisfy it increased as the time passed so I got my ass up and went to the supermarket to get all the ingredients.

Quite satisfied with how it ended up and by looking at all the pictures now it's making me hungry again! Am going to heat up the leftovers after publishing this post!

Cheers to leftovers! :D

2D1N Soju Bang!

2011-09-30T12:03:00.000-07:00

Met up with Steady on Thursday and she has been wanting to go to a Korean BBQ for awhile now.. so we headed to 2D1N Soju Bang!

We found our way using her Galaxy Tab, haha.

Little did we know, their buffet's only for dinner. So we settled to have their A La Carte dishes. Upon arrival, the waitress served us ice lemon tea & plain bottled water. We were a little confused cos we haven't ordered anything yet, turns out those were on the house! (:

After ordering, the Apps were shortly served to our table and yea they're FOC too.

I love the creamy app (bottom middle) which contains green apples, cucumbers and etc with mayo i guess and also the pickled cucumbers (bottom right), kimchi (top right) & sweet ikan billies (top middle)!

My Beef set. Delicioussssss and goes really well with the rice!

Her Pork!

.. and a kimchi stew to share!

All in all it was a good and satisfying meal. Although it was a tad disappointing that we missed the buffet, nonetheless the lunch menu was good too. :) A trip well made! We left the restaurant with our bellies filled to the brim. We had 3 bowls of rice served to us and we could only finish 2, haha! The bill came up to an average of about $15/pax :)

Good Food, Good Fun.

2011-09-28T08:04:00.000-07:00

Every time the holidays are around, I gain a hell lot of weight and it's all thanks to the good food that I've been having lately!

Kuishin-bo, Steamboat, MJK KOrean BBQ, Sakae Sushi, Tarafuku, Botak Jones, Hatched, Peperoni Pizza etc etc. Not surprising that they're mostly buffets!

Shall choose a random day to talk about since I'm in the mood! All credit goes to Moh for the pics! :D

20 Sept 2011

First up, #Hatched!

I have been itching to go to an all day breakfast place due to my cravings for eggs benedict for the longest time. So we decided on going Hatched instead of Wild Honey cos for one, Wild Honey is too expensive for us.

Hatched is located well out of the way but we managed to find our way thanks to zy and his google map, haha.

Love the interior of the small cozy place, great for small hang outs. We were there on a weekday afternoon so there weren't many people. It was so quiettttttt!

Unique Menu!

Making the heart shape sure takes a lot of practice! I've tried many times but failed miserably!

Here's what we ordered:

Sir Benedict

Papillote

Burly Benedict

Caesar On The Run

I liked mine the most (Burly Benedict) but don't think I'll go back anytime soon. It was a great experience though!

Moh & I planned the day before to head to Twelve Cupcakes after our meal @ Hatched since it was nearby and it was def a trip well made. :)

Up till now, I still crave for those so moist you can die cupcakes!!!! They're awesome.

♥

we both know we don't sing along

2011-08-29T07:27:00.000-07:00

Emotional? nah I'm done with that. Perhaps just frustration from the lack of trust and it's tormenting me till no end. It takes awhile to gain the trust of others but I just can't stand it when I'm being deemed as incompetent and useless. I'm definitely better than that. Perhaps that's not the case and that I'm just imagining things but that's the feeling I get every time. I want to go back to that place where trust has already been built and friendships stabilized but no, I can't just run back to a place where I feel safe, that isn't right at all.

2011-08-17T05:39:00.000-07:00

have been working in a new environment for .. 2 days now. it's alright, i'm just glad i have a great teacher to learn from. i can't say much yet cos i've only just started. one thing for sure is, i'm going to be experiencing a lot of things and i'm glad. :)

gonna be working 6 days per week and it's a norm for this industry but i was only working a 5 day week for my SIP so it's going to be different. let's see how i'll feel when it's the 6th day, haha!

back to my show, cya!

Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no.

2011-08-06T11:51:00.000-07:00

I've kinda found a consistent habit (I guess you can call this a habit) of mine.

I was fine for the last 4 months, leading life day by day, going to work.. coming back home. All was well. Work kept me busy, yes I was still constantly thinking of stuff but it was definitely reduced as compared to before.

I'm not thinking about the past relationship, that's for sure. That i'm over for quite awhile now. Just that.. I've other stuff to think about too and it really drags my mood down.

Now that I'm.. "jobless", I have more time on my hands and when I'm not catching up with my friends, my mind wonders.. and as you might already know, whoever you are, I think.. a lot. Too much for my own good, even. That's something that I've never really gotten the hang on controlling and I'm sick and tired of making myself feel so lousy.

on the other hand, it was really really great to see everyone today especially ben and angie oooh and hearing dex's voice too! Glad they're finally back in SG now. :)

I'll do whatever it takes.

2011-08-05T10:00:00.000-07:00

You know us, girls being girls, we have the greatest mood swings of all time. One moment we're fine and dandy and the next, we can be bawling our eyes out. Maybe not all girls are like that but.. you know, just generalizing.

I feel down and yeah, out of a sudden. Guess it's a combination of quite a few things? SIP has ended and I really really really really.. (you get my point) miss the people. Well, apparently I don't miss them enough to go back and work though. lol, truth is, I'm just seeking for more exposure out in this industry. Gonna go for an interview on Sunday so whoever reads this, wish me luck? :)

When Chef Eric shook my hand and wished me all the best, I felt a wave of emotions - proud of myself for doing still fairly alright for this SIP, sadness that this has really come to an end, happiness that this is finally over & confused and unsure of what i'm supposed to do next..

but i'm alright cos i'm slowly pathing out my route for the future :)

I'm gonna miss Chef David & Chef Yussof, Ah Huat, Ken, Chan, Jim, Adrian, Ron, Dharma, Ah Yang, Edwin, Kimchi, Darren, Gary, Kevin, Tony, Jin, Stella, Jey, Salleh, that girl who's name i don't know, Owen, Ankit and definitely Chef Eric.. and of course the others, too tired to list 'em all out.

and I guess I've been in denial for quite some time now. I really miss you but too bad for me, you're.. already somewhere else :( I can't destroy something you have for 6 years.. only a true bitch would do that and I can never bring myself to do such a thing. Oh well.. it just means I'll just have to continue on waiting then.

How can anyone be so perfect?

Inside, I'm still quite messed up.

Building bridges.

2011-08-02T12:11:00.000-07:00

Let's just say, the past 19 weeks has been a great journey. Not only have i gained valuable lessons and experience, I've gained a few more friends rather than colleagues.

I'm really thankful for having these people by my side to listen to my whining and complaints, always trying to make me laugh and at the end of the day, make my days at *z easier to pass.

I remember the first day, where I was practically just "thrown" to the carving station. I was so nervous and I didn't know what to do. The queue was so long and my job was just to carve chickens yet it felt so difficult. I was perspiring at the end of it. I remember Chef Eric teaching me how to carve properly and also Handy demonstrating it to me & I told myself that by the end of 1 month I must carve as well as Handy could.

Well.. all I can say is, I can finally carve without trouble. Sure, I still can't do it as well as Handy does but I'm sure, with more practice, I'll be able to do it just fine. :)

Throughout this 19 weeks, I've really learnt a lot - be it in terms of work or in life. I've learnt what my strengths and weaknesses are, I've learnt to be patient, I've learnt to always help others when they are in need cos you never know when you might be the one who needs help, I've learnt to build bridges and not to burn them.

I can't believe this journey is at the end already. So quickly, yet it felt like just yesterday that it was the first day.. how I remember everything so clearly. The days passed like a haze, yet I gain a little more experience with each day passing.

The laughter, joy, anger, frustration, annoyance - everything was real and that's how work's going to be like in future. I guess in a way I'm really fortunate to be in a kitchen where everyone's friendly and nice. I won't be able to find a kitchen like this in the near future and I have to take care of myself then. I might get cheated on, I might get conned, I might get tricked. This world is a cruel one and there will always be people out there who are determined to harm you.

The higher you climb, the lesser friends you get. Well I was at the bottom and I'm glad cos I've made the most wonderful friends. :) I'm actually smiling as I'm typing this. :)

The cuts, the burns - they teach me lessons that no one else can teach me. I've learnt that a sharp knife is always crucial and of course, keeping your bloody thumb behind your fingers as you're cutting! I've cut myself in the thumb more than once and that was how i learnt. I'm proud to say my knife skills have definitely improved - at least I'm not that afraid of holding a knife anymore and that's thanks to all the Chefs who have helped me. :) (Special props to Jim & Gary!)

I have tons more to learn and I definitely need more practice but I'm sure I'm getting there. :)

I love everyone in *z, yes even those who constantly annoy me & piss me off on a constant basis cos they form my journey as well (just kidding. No, really.) and I really believe that I'll work with them again in the future.

I miss everyone already. Oh gawd, suck up those tears, it isn't the end of the world.

Jim!

Edwin & Ah Yang

Thank you Starz, for everything :) A million "Thank You"s will never be enough. I'm grateful. (:

2011-07-09T07:19:00.000-07:00

Today, I fell asleep thinking of you and I realise I really really miss you so much. I haven't been talking to you much and maybe you've already forgotten about me but hopefully, I can change things around.

Thankful (:

2011-07-08T10:22:00.000-07:00

to these people in *z (: they've made my journey through the past 14-15 weeks a great one. :)

Adrian is.. my coke buddy! He loves coke as much as i do. He jokes with me and always makes me laugh. :)

Edwin is.. just like a brother to me. Always taking care of me, helping me and doing silly things (with or without me) and i'll definitely laugh with him. :D

Ah Huat is.. my motivation, my idol and a great buddy! I really respect the way he works, his attitude towards things and how he does things! He motivates me cos I wanna be just like him and I know I can, one day. :)

Ah Yang is.. my punching bag + play along friend! I always punch him ALL THE TIME. He makes me laugh and he plays along with me. :)

Ah Lim is.. my listening ear/adviser! He listens to my trouble, tells me about his and we give each other our point of views :) We can talk about anything and everything - from all things serious to really stupid stuff. :D

Ah Chan.. is my daily dosage of smiles, my listening ear and my adviser! He always makes me laugh.. especially whenever i'm feeling down. He says the silliest things and he gives the funniest expression when he laughs! It's so hilarious I can just laugh to myself thinking about it. :)

Jim is.. my mentor, a great friend, a listening ear and an adviser! I feel like I can go to him whenever I encounter any problems or troubles. Whenever I need help in something or advice in my own issues, I'll talk to him about it, even if it isn't work related. I'm thankful to have him give me his point of view in things so I can sort things out myself! He motivates me all the time and gives me tons of encouragement. :)

Ron is.. the joker!!! He makes all sorts of jokes, gives me lots of nicknames and always tell me silly stuff. He really makes me smile. :)

Ah Kent is.. my Happy Fruit(translate to chinese)!!! :D We never fail to give each other weird/funny expressions whenever we see each other and in that way, I always end up smiling when I see him! He's always concerned about me and about my health, always asking to "he duo yi dian shui!!" (drink more water). :D

Kimchi is.. the story teller! He tells me all the interesting stories and makes me smile. His actions are always so cartoon-ish like sometimes it's hard to be angry at him. :)

Darren is.. the person i always bully! He always says I'm very mischievous and that I'm always bullying him! I try to make him smile cos he looks grumpy sometimes. :)

Ah Neh is.. the person i always play with! He's so hilarious and always making fun of me, saying that he can strangle me with a roll of tissue paper. I always disturb him and say silly things to him just like how he says nonsense to me. :)

As for Chef Yussof, Chef David & Chef Eric, I have immense gratefulness towards them and words can't express how thankful I am for them to be my mentor in this internship. :) They're all like fathers to me although Chef Eric would prefer to be a 'brother' lol! :D

I will definitely miss this place and the people. Well life goes on and we live our own lives. My internship is coming to an end in about a month's time and we'll cross paths again for sure (:

As we go on.

2011-06-23T11:45:00.000-07:00

Had a bad day at work. Thank goodness certain people make up for it. I'm really grateful for all the kindness and concern given to me by those people.

3 months at work and i'm already drained. It keeps me thinking, how do the full timers do it? They must have a certain amount of passion to continue in this line for so long. It isn't easy to survive in this industry - long hours and hard work. Yet.. these people still hang on and continue with their jobs. Perhaps it's cos they have no choice or.. they just really love what they're doing.

For me, I'm finally a step closer to knowing what i want to do in the future. I guess we have to be more exposed to this industry to find out what we're really interested in and I'm glad i've been given that opportunity to "see" what it's like. I thought I'd switch lines entirely a few weeks ago but... now, I think not. :) At least I still have an interest in this line. :)

Knowing that there's still something you want to do and having a goal, makes my life easier.

have you ever been alone in a crowded room?

2011-06-10T06:37:00.000-07:00

What I've learnt:

1) Got to focus on the things that really matter and leave the unimportant stuff at the back of my mind. Right now I've got to prioritize and do what i have to do.

2) Never compare. In these situations, comparisons aren't ever made and eventually the time will come, sooner or later. So don't sit & mope at home when it doesn't happen cos one day, it will.

3) Don't lose sleep/rest to over thinking.

4) Every single thing happens for a reason and if something doesn't work out, let it be cos good things will come one day.

5) When it's time to relax and rest, go for it but when it's time to be serious, don't play around.

6) I might not see it now and I might think it's the end of the world when something bad happens but it isn't. Always, always look at the bigger picture and think of the future whenever I act, don't do anything out of impulse/ordinary.

7) Take things slowly sometimes, don't rush/force things to happen. Wait awhile and see what pops up.

8) Sometimes we get upset when we lose someone but it's only cos we're too used to their presence.. and nothing else.

Having more mature people around me really changes my mindset a lot and I'm glad it did. I'm learning how to take things easier and focus on the stuff that matters more. At the end of the day, if I harp on all the negativity, I'll be the only one who suffers. What for? Gotta thank the 1-2 hours phone call that changed everything. :)

Live each day happily, or I'll get older faster. :)

Had quite a few plans for today but it ended up being a stay-home day which honestly is what I really need right now. Sleep hasn't been really sufficient and for the next few weeks to come, I don't think I'm going to get proper rest eater. Morning shifts definitely will drain me out without a doubt.

.. and quite frankly, i miss you.

I'm grateful

2011-06-07T09:57:00.001-07:00

People @ work I've gotta be thankful for, for giving me advice all the time.

1) Kent

2) Chan

3) Gary

4) Wye Chuen

5) Jim

Seriously, without these people, I'd been so helpless and lost. They are people I can go and look for when I have any doubts, questions, queries.. or even my own personal problems and I really appreciate their help.

I love how I can just talk to them about everything and anything that's troubling me without them feeling annoyed/irritated. They're always glad to give me their point of view and do what they can to make me feel better :)

Of course, I can't forget the others at work, they make my gloomy days brighter :) I know who's good to me now and I'm going to miss them all when I leave in August. :(

But.. on another note. I really need a getaway from here! Need to spend some time away from here to relax the mind, the heart & the soul :)

Life's too.. hectic nowadays.

I guess the most important question now that's constantly bothering me is.. where do i go from here?

"Nicknames" @ work

2011-06-01T09:53:00.000-07:00

1. Ah Moi

2. Xiao Mei

3. Ribena

4. Rihanna

5. Xiao Bu Dian

6. Doraemon/Xiao Ding Dang

7. Ah Qi

8. Qi Qi

Seriously, i shouldn't have used the name Regina in the first place!!

Hi, my name is Kang Qi. Thanks.

OSIP

2011-05-29T09:51:00.000-07:00

I miss dexter, ben, suyi, & angie :(

showing myself some love by talking about ME :)

2011-05-25T06:16:00.000-07:00

Random ramblings about myself.

I love coke, it's the awesomest drink ever :) Chocolate and sushi are love and they make me happy! Grandma's cooking is the best and i love her food. I really dislike morning shifts @ work, i can never get enough sleep cos i have to wake up at 5. A shot or 2 of Jack Daniel's after a long day @ work calms me down and helps me sleep, a can of beer is good too. I can't survive without coffee nowadays, i get soooo tired if i don't get myself at least one cup. I love the people at work (well, most of em) and i'm going to miss them for sure come 5th august. I over think.. a hell lot and that really ruins me. I'm way too sensitive for my own good and i make tons of assumptions. I analysis situations a lot too. I type/say nonsense when i get way too sleepy/tired. When i get too stressed up, my thoughts are all consumed by what i have to do and i can't concentrate on anything else. I worry a lottttt and i always look at the negative side of things. I'm always too concerned about what others think but lately, that's been changing for the better. I always destroy my own happiness by creating lots of unnecessary scenes in my head. I dislike being thisssssss short and i honestly want to grow taller. I love it when the weather's good (cooling) and I can't sleep at home without my beloved bolster. I love piglets, they're the cutest things on earth, right now i have 3 of them on my bed :). I have awesome friends and i appreciate every single one of them. I'm.. not the most gentle person on earth, let's just put it that way. I'm a horrible spendthrift and i really need to learn how to save my $$ properly. I need to have some goals in life instead of just living day by day. I have no idea what i'm going to do when i graduate.. continue getting myself a degree? switch industries? work in a commercial kitchen? not a single clue. I curse a lot and it comes so naturally to me that other people can get surprised at times (trying to change this!). I can never fall asleep while being plugged in to music. I'll turn it off first before i sleep, no matter how tired i am. I procrastinate and fall sick.. a lot. I miss playing the piano but i don't think i'll ever consider it being a full time job for me. I'm a lazy & last minute person. I love reading but i seldom have the time to lately. I can't live without my phone and i'll never leave home without it.

.. and with you around, at least life's getting better :)

yes, this has been way too random but i was bored. ;)

hey baby look at me go from zero to hero

2011-05-20T08:32:00.000-07:00

This. is. too. AWESOME.

Justin Robinett has always been this awesome. Just wished Michael Henry was part of this video as well. I love it when they sing together!

---

Sometimes i feel like i'm a bother to people whenever i talk to them. I don't know why but i just feel like i'm a nuisance.. a disturbance.

It isn't right that i constantly over think situations :( but .. i'm too complicated and i can't help it. I should just let things go and simply not care. It's easier said than done but i'm on the road there.. slowly. I keep saying this and it seems like it's not really happening but i'm trying my best to do what i can to not be so sensitive anymore.

and as for work? let's just say.. what doesn't kill me makes me stronger.

made a wrong turn once or twice

2011-05-11T07:12:00.000-07:00

I guess i used to wish time would rewind and i could go back to the happier times but that's no longer something that i'd want.

Life now is.. to say the least, alright.

I have things that make me happy and yes, happy - a word that isn't often mentioned or talked about the past few months. Needless to say, i have things that i constantly have to fret and worry about too but hey, that's life isn't it?

I've learnt so much in the past few months and have grown out of the miserable stage that i was thrown in. I was filled with so much hatred and it was kind of extreme that i could despise someone so much. Yet that's all gone and i simply don't want to bother or even care anymore.

Yes, it sucks when someone you loved so much could end up being the source of you suffering in extreme pain for months but we all eventually learn how to deal with it and move on. In the end, we all move on with our lives.

I could have dealt it in a worse way but i didn't and i'm thankful for having people constantly being so patient with me and having to bear with my emotional whirls, outburst of anger, crying.. you know the drill. If it weren't for you guys, i guess i'd still be in the rut right now. (you know who you guys are. thanks, really :D)

So it's the close to the 2nd month of my attachment and i think i injured/sprained.. (or whatever it is) my arm. It hurts so badly sometimes i have no idea what to do. I won't see the doctor though, i'd just have to monitor it closely before it gets worse. I'm carrying heavy stuff at work alllll the time till my muscles are showing.. i swear. Ew.

Time spent with family (and friends too but that's for another day) have been so little lately due to work. I miss going out and having meals with my family during the weekends and just roaming around town or someplace else to buy stuff. It was such a bummer when i had to work during Mother's Day and couldn't even find the time to get anything for my mum. Hope this Sunday can be spent with my parents and my bro (who's returning from US and gonna suffer like hell cos the weather here is .. too horrible!). :)

On another random note, i really wanna dye my hair but so many people say i look better with black! Aye, how?

they say bad things happen for a reason

2011-05-02T09:25:00.000-07:00

... but no wise words' gonna stop the bleeding.

I miss my brother, he's in US right now.

I miss R, i miss SS.

I miss D, i miss H.

I miss Moh, i miss Stella.

I miss the OSIP people.. and everyone else doing their SIP in CCM.

& yes. I miss Steady, B, Shorty, lil'sissy and the bunch too.

and i guess i'm going to miss much more than this in time to come.

Life has been.. treating me just okay lately. I have things to smile and cry about so i'm just barely there. It always helps when I have people to talk to and I'm thankful for that. I just wish i can do more for others.. for those who need a listening ear more than i do.

On a brighter note, Moh & I went to Brunch @ Pan Pac for lunch today! It was fun and I love the atmosphere. Special thanks to Qiujin & the other service staff :) Finally can relax properly and not think about work.

Thanks QiuJin for the sex on the beach! HAHA k, needa be more mature.

I look so tired in most of the pictures. Moh, too. We're just exhausted, no matter how much sleep we've been getting.
Gonna have dinner tomorrow with my colleagues and that back to work on wed.

jumbled

2011-04-24T07:20:00.000-07:00

Day 2 of my OFF is coming to an end and pretty soon it'll be back to work again.

H & D have officially ended their internship last week, felt really sad when it was their last day but i'm happy for them too cos it means that greater and better things lie ahead for them. :) I'm sure they'll do well in their careers cos they're awesome people!

The past week have been great with all the great company but sadly SS & R are leaving too :( all the awesome people are leaving. Hopefully work will still be alright!

Pay day should come sooooon i hope and i really wanna spend it (well, not ALL of it) on clothes which i desperately need (yes, yes).

& it's crazy but i'm craving for sushi.. again even though i've been having it the past few days every day!!!

messed up

2011-04-12T05:56:00.000-07:00

My emotions are just like a roller coaster ride. I can be an optimist one day & a pessimist the other. I can feel really happy and satisfied one moment & feel so down and dejected the next minute. I'm sick of feeling like this - insane, crappy and it sucks out all my energy.

It seems like everything i do is never right. this, that.. i'm bound to offend somebody in some way. Yeah in life we can't please everyone, but i never liked making other people unhappy. I like it when others are happy.. you can say i live off happiness from others.

I feel weird, i feel down and i can't understand why i'm feeling like this. I need someone to understand.. without me having to explain so much because i'm tired of trying to justify what i'm feeling but then again, no one would be able to understand and comprehend why i can't just be happy and i guess.. normal.

Worthless, useless & forgotten.

Nothing i do is ever right.

things to smile about

2011-04-04T20:33:00.000-07:00

A good day @ work.
Having someone to talk to.
Having random people smile @ you when you're at work.
The Jap Chef at my workplace!!!
A good night's sleep.
When other people are happy.
When i get to talk to people i miss.
Meeting up with friends!
Listening to Michael Henry sing. (his voice is ..... omg)
When the cute guy @ work says hi. HAHAHAHA. (kidding)

So it's 12pm now on my day off, just bumming around till i meet Moh later during her split shift break! Love just hanging out and chilling with friends (:

Work has been great so far, getting the grasp of the whole operation process and learning how things are done there. I still have a lot to learn though, especially from H (another intern) but he's leaving in about less than a week. He does everything so well and he's super knowledgeable about the physics to every single thing! He taught me a hell lot and i really want to learn much more from him. :(

I think i'm growing more as a person in terms of my thinking and stuff and i really like how things are going! I'm just.. getting myself where i want to be, slowly :) and enjoying life in the mean time.

Life's good :) only when you tell yourself it is.

Good times

2011-03-31T03:44:00.000-07:00

Orientation on Mon & Tues!

After it ended, KY, P & I took the boardwalk from Sentosa to Vivo! Was supposed to meet Moh cos she was having her off day so while waiting for her we slacked around @ the boardwalk area. The view is superb and I really love everything there - the wind, the sea, the nice view (except for the construction area).

After that we (KY & I) met up with Moh (finally!) and it's always great to meet up with good friends after work & enjoy ourselves. :) We finally had the chance to talk properly and catch up :)

We went to Bei Shang Chuan for a steamboat dinner and i love the place. Great view, good food and needless to say awesome company!

Moh holding KY's present for her! (: So kewt.

Moh and I ordered the lover's cup and it's damn freaking huge LOL!

After dinner, we went to Daiso (the place where everything's $2 and you'll never come out empty handed) to walk around. Got my soba noodles + sauce which was highly recommended by KY hehe and i totally don't regret buying! So awesome and yummy.

The next day was my off day and moh's too. So we went to Olio to visit Sally hehe!

We both ordered the lot burger.. accompanied with lotsa sauces.

and and and Moh bought me a JD chocolate!!! wheepee luvvvv.

After lunch we went to Dome @ Shaw House to visit Jewel & ZY!

Slacked around till ZY needed to go back to work & we went to Ion. Got another pair of shoes for myself and i'm super happyyyy with my buy wahhahaha! Though i still want my pair of Vans but ohwell, i think i'll get it another time then! ;)

It's the 2nd week of my internship and there's still a long way to go but i'm sure i'll be alright.

I miss so many people and i wish i can talk to all of them every single day but i can't :( Nevermind, after SIP it's going to be like an epic celebration everyday!! Or.. until my cash depletes. Currently enjoying myself @ work and i hope to be able to do more soon since i'm still so noob hehe.

My off day is coming to an end and it's back to work tomorrow!